What’s your #1 priority? 🏆
↩️UNFOLLOW University — April 28, 2023
Happy Friday!
Every year, my wife makes Easter baskets for me and the kids. Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds and proves I really am her 4th child. 😜
Most years, my basket includes whiskey, socks, snacks and other dad-appropriate accessories. Four years ago, though, she added a book that ruined my career.
In the time it took our kids to finish their Sunday afternoon naps, I devoured all 133 pages of “When Work & Family Collide” by Andy Stanley. It forced me to face 3 irreversible truths:
My achievements weren’t driven by destiny or duty, but ego. ⭐️
My absence at home was actually hurting me and harming my family. ❤️🩹
My acceptance of workaholism was undermining my team’s performance. 👎🏽
Suddenly, the career roadmap I had duct-taped together from “successful” mentors and CEOs was wholly inadequate. They weren’t heading in the right direction either.
I’ve read almost 500 books. When Work & Family Collide is the only one that presents an actual strategy for establishing priorities and protecting boundaries without sacrificing results. It contradicts the necessary evils we’ve learned to call “normal” or “business as usual.” But it also shares a courageous way to redesign how you prioritize your time, team and family.
A smarter man would have simply stopped reading and started packing for his morning flight to France. Instead, I decided to dig a deeper hole by following Stanley’s advice and asking my family members a simple question…
What’s my #1 priority?
🤯 Radical Truth
Time is easy to spend but impossible to replace.
Relationships run on the one thing it’s so easy to invest elsewhere: time.
There are infinite priorities competing for the time I spend with my family. But there are no replacements for the relationships I neglect.
It's a brutal but vital lesson. There’s a difference between filling the time and fulfilling the relationship. And this difference makes all the difference to you, your work and your family. Last week I asked, “How will you measure your life?” The most accurate answer is always revealed in how you spend your time.
What is your current schedule communicating to your family? Your team?
When I asked my wife and kids, “What’s my #1 priority?”, the answers were painfully honest: Work. Your job. Your work. Working. Patron tequila!
That day, I decided to stop cheating my family whenever work and personal commitments collided. I canceled the business trip overseas and, instead, watched Chloe and Chandler’s ballet class. And on Saturday I hung out at Caleb’s soccer game.
Yep, I missed a big meeting for small moments my kids don’t even remember. I chose the pain of change over the pain of regret because I realized I need my family as much as they need me.
Remember, the job of a leader is to create and protect the conditions for success. Realigning your work and family priorities isn’t neglecting your job - it’s doing your job the right way!
In the past 4 years, I’ve taught this process to more than 300 skeptical professionals and I’m still convinced it’s one of the most worthwhile battles to fight. I’ve seen firsthand how tiny tweaks to an overachiever’s overloaded schedule can change everything.
Here are six of Stanley’s thorniest truths many people find hard to handle at first:
Everybody cheats. Try thinking of it as simply choosing to give up one thing in hope of gaining something of greater value. The issue is never "am I cheating?" but always "where am I cheating?"
Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not organization. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble upon the perfect schedule. The problem is this: there's not enough time to get everything done that you're convinced - or others have convinced you - needs to get done.
The natural drive to become established in your career is rivaled only by the desire to have a successful family life. It’s only natural that the two become entangled during the rush of daily life.
Work and family life are designed to work together, not compete. Both work and family originate with the same source: God. He created them to peacefully coexist.
We ask God to fill a gap at home that only we can fill, while we scurry off to do a job that a thousand other people could do.
Work is about doing. Family is about being. You can't "fix" your family. You can't "fix" your marriage. You can't "fix" your kids. Family requires an entirely different set of tools and standards of evaluation.
Try it today. Ask the people you love a simple question and commit to making just one practical change to realign your priorities.
Who knows? You might just earn an Easter basket next year. 🐣
The basket that birthed it all - April 21, 2019
⚡️Courageous Question
What is my #1 priority? What is most important to me?
🗣 Wonderful Words
“You love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart.”
🙏🏽 Prayer Package
God, I want to trust you with my work, my time and my family, but I can’t see how it’s possible. Show me how to surrender it all in faith. Give me courage to accept the consequences of leading and living differently. May peace be a compass and your presence be a guide. Amen.
🎵 Worth Fighting For - Brian Courtney Wilson 👊🏽
🛠 Practical Tool
Managing the demands of the workplace without putting yourself or your family last can feel like an impossible task. But baby steps in the right direction have a bigger impact than you can imagine.
I’ve taught this RE/ALIGN process in several formats but the fun starts when people get feedback from their own family. If you’re interested in learning more or bringing these tools to your team, let me know.
Here’s the 5-day cheat sheet I give to attendees to start their own journey of realignment. It starts with asking your family and friends 2 simple questions:
What is my #1 priority right now?
What change would you most like to see in my schedule to know you are my priority?
In January, I shared this concept with our church leaders and volunteers. A few days later, one of them approached me with feedback. Darryl was elated to share the answers he heard when he asked his own family members, “What’s my #1 priority?”
Formerly a Vice President at a Fortune 50 company, Darryl had experienced the burnout that comes from putting yourself and your family on the back-burner. Like me, he also left the rat race behind to run a bigger race for a better reason.
His eyes welled with joy as he described his family’s responses. Each of them knew he loved them, not by his words, but by how he spent his time. The process of realigning his priorities transformed Darryl’s life.
Darryl’s presence was incandescent. He became the biggest cheerleader of this newsletter and a constant source of the encouragement I didn’t know I needed.
Last week, heaven gained a hero but the world lost a bright light in the passing of Darryl Claiborne.
Darryl, you loved people well and are impossible to replace. You were more than a good guy, you were an amazing brother. Until we meet again, I will try to reflect the light you so freely gave.
👆🏽🙏🏽👆🏽🙏🏽
See you next UNFOLLOW Friday.
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Every Friday I’ll send you 5 courageous ideas to help you redesign your work life by making better career decisions:
🤯 Radical Truth - A story from me
⚡️ Courageous Question - A challenge for you
🗣 Wonderful Words - A quote worth remembering
🙏🏽 Prayer Package - A moment of meditation
🛠 Practical Tool - An actionable resource
