Who’s your work jerk? 🔨
↩️UNFOLLOW University — August 4, 2023
Happy Friday!
Today, I want to share a quick story about Justin. He’s a seasoned vice president who has spent years climbing the ladder at his current company, a global product manufacturer. Justin has built a reputation for delivering important initiatives on time and under budget.
Justin also has an unrelenting ability to create unhealthy conflict.
By his own admission, he’s a walking hammer who treats everyone else like a nail. When he’s involved, disagreements about projects quickly become confrontations between people. Justin is more than rough around the edges, he’s a full-grown bully.
Justin is a jerk.
His company’s mission statement is laced with words like empathy, humility, teamwork and respect. But after years of corrective conversations, interventions and coaching, Justin’s bullying remains unchecked.
So why does Justin still have a job?
Or, perhaps, a more honest question: Why did I allow a jerk to continue working on my team for so long?
🤯 Radical Truth
Culture is defined by the worst behaviors we tolerate, not the best behaviors we celebrate.
I said I cared about people more than performance but my actions confessed the opposite. My tolerance of Justin’s behavior revealed exactly what I valued.
Isn’t this just the cost of success? The team will get over it, right?
Regrettably, the presence of leaders like Justin also indicates an inconvenient truth about the company where we worked together. In the end, results were more valuable than relationships.
Why does this happen so often? How do jerks thrive in workplaces where their behavior is inconsistent with the stated values?
When assessing leadership behaviors we tend to focus on 2 areas:
Behaviors that get promoted.
Behaviors that get punished.
Do you notice what’s missing? What about bad actions that don’t get punished? What about good behaviors that don’t get promoted?
Culture is a collection of choices. In organizations of all sizes, most teams know exactly who the biggest jerks are. Instead of confronting them directly or communicating the impact of their actions, we knowingly and unknowingly create space for their aggressive manipulation, narcissism and politics to spread.
A leader who doesn’t create consequences or promote accountability is choosing a culture where being a jerk actually works. But jerks aren’t just annoying, they’re contagious.
The good news is we don’t have to choose between results and relationships; people or performance.
-We hold our teams accountable because we care about them deeply.
-We push for improvements because we believe in their abilities.
-We invite dissent because we know healthy conflict fuels creativity.
-We give tough feedback privately because we need the best version of them professionally.
It’s time to normalize giving and receiving negative feedback. It’s the only way to get better as a leader or a team.
Like you, I've worked with too many office bullies who weaponize conflict to protect their own insecurity and manipulate others - often younger employees or female colleagues. The book “Radical Candor” by Kim Scott presented a very effective framework for leading like a human that I still use today.
Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:
Radical candor is not a license to be gratuitously harsh or to "front stab." It is not an invitation to nitpick. Do it only for things that really matter.
To keep winning, criticize the wins. Be willing to point out to great players what they could have done better, even when they have just won a game.
Here's a paradox of being a good boss. Most people prefer the challenging jerk to the boss whose niceness gets in the way of candor.
The best way to keep superstars happy is to challenge them and make sure they are constantly learning. Build an intellectual partnership with them. Ask them to teach others on the team to do their job because they won't stay in their existing role for long.
Common lies managers tell themselves to avoid firing somebody: It will get better. Somebody is better than nobody. A transfer is the answer. It's bad for morale.
Tolerating a bully is just as bad as being one. In Justin’s case, his hammer-first operating system was actually the result of deep personal and professional insecurities. But an unwillingness (or inability) to confront these actions only incentivizes distrust and distributes anxiety across the team. And that doesn’t work for anyone.
⚡️Courageous Question
What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?
🗣 Wonderful Words
“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same but you leave ‘em all over everything you do.”
🙏🏽 Prayer Package
God, forgive me for the times and situations where I have acted in my own interest without considering the very people you’ve allowed me to work with. Forgive my silence when circumstances called for courageous, healthy conflict. In place of intimidation or manipulation, help me see how kindness, clarity and accountability are part of a well-designed workplace. You sent us the ultimate example of truth and grace, relationships and results, caring deeply and acting boldly. Let my identity in you guide my treatment of others in every situation. Amen.
🎵 Able - Jonathan McReynolds 💪🏽
🛠 Practical Tool
Who’s the jerk at your job? What does your response signal to the broader team about what you really value?
You can be an effective boss without being a jerk. And you can care deeply about your team without being a pushover. Radical Candor is Kim Scott's manifesto for being a wholehearted leader in the real world of conflicts, disagreements, aggression and achievement. The macho management style of military metaphors and sports analogies is no longer a sustainable or acceptable way to deliver results, especially among diverse teams. Kim's leadership principles, honed at Apple, Google and other companies, is honest, funny and easy to execute.
If you’re new to UNFOLLOW University you can learn more about me here or check out my previous posts.
See you next UNFOLLOW Friday!
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Every Friday I’ll send you 5 courageous ideas to help you redesign your work life by making better career decisions:
🤯 Radical Truth - A story from me
⚡️ Courageous Question - A challenge for you
🗣 Wonderful Words - A quote worth remembering
🙏🏽 Prayer Package - A moment of meditation
🛠 Practical Tool - An actionable resource
