How to choose your regrets ⚖️
↩️UNFOLLOW University — March 17, 2023
Martin Luther King, Jr. following his April 1963 arrest in Birmingham, Ala.
Happy Friday
This week our family visited the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial in Washington, D.C. While looking up at the giant granite sculpture, then down at my three kids, I was reminded of a little-known lesson on regret.
In 1944, Martin was a finalist in a statewide oratory contest at First Baptist Church in Dublin, Georgia. The theme, “The Negro and the Constitution,” was perfect for the 15-year-old’s ideal career as a lawyer. He had zero interest in becoming a preacher like his father and grandfather. During his speech, Martin confronted the strange paradox of racial injustice “in a nation founded on the principles that all men are created free and equal.”
On the ride home to Atlanta, a bus driver ordered Martin, his classmate and their teacher to surrender their seats and stand so new white passengers wouldn’t have to.
Both boys refused. Hateful words hailed down from the driver’s mouth. The teacher swooped in. Martin had a choice: obey the law or resist it.
One minute later, the two boys relented and stood for the next 90 miles. Martin chose the regret of compliance over the regret of imprisonment.
Three years later, he decided ministry was the best way to change society and combat segregation. Martin chose the regret of responsibility over the regret of conformity.
Twelve years later, he was jailed during the Montgomery bus boycotts - the first of more than 29 arrests. Martin chose the regret of peaceful resistance over the regret of violence.
Twenty years later, he shared his dream with the world, delivering one of the greatest closing arguments of modern history. Martin chose the regret of hope over the regret of hate.
Twenty-four years later, he was killed for doing the very thing he was born to do.
🤯 Radical Truth
Dreams don’t die - we do.
Before Martin, there was Mahatma Gandhi, Dorothy Height, Howard Thurman, Bayard Rustin and Benjamin Mays. After him, there was John Lewis, Bryan Stevenson, Stacey Abrams and Barack Obama.
My calling has an intent beyond my personal ambition. Dreams may be fulfilled through me but they don’t belong to me. In the words of my brother Trey Grant, “Excuses will always be there. Opportunity will not.”
What I fail to do will not be left undone. Someone else will start the business, finish the book or file the patent if I don’t. The aim of our work is not to avoid regrets, but rather, to select our regrets wisely. To choose where we can afford to lose and where we absolutely must win.
I confess, in the past I have selected silence over equity, compliance over confrontation and short-term success over lifelong courage. I chose the wrong regrets.
So what do courageous people do differently? They decide in advance what matters most, and protect it from their pride, their options and even themselves.
Here are a few things I will never again regret:
☔️ Showing up for friends and family, especially when it’s inconvenient.
👧🏽 Prioritizing time with my kids at the expense of my career.
🗣 Speaking truth to people in power even when it risks their disapproval.
✌🏽 Reaching out for reconciliation with people who haven’t “earned” it.
🤷🏽♂️ Tackling assignments and business challenges before I feel qualified.
⏳ Waiting to make big decisions.
Martin never forgot that bus ride. “It was the humiliation,” he said. “It was the angriest I have ever been in my life. Suddenly I realized you don’t count, you’re a nobody.”
His life was short but he made it count. Martin chose the regret of a dream unfinished over the regret of a hope untested.
⚡️Courageous Question
If I died one year from now, what is one thing I would regret?
🗣 Wonderful Words
“Regret makes us human. Regret makes us better. Our goal should not be to always minimize regret. Our goal should be to optimize it.”
— Daniel Pink, The Power of Regret
🙏🏽 Prayer Package
God, I choose to believe the rewards of courage will outweigh the regrets of conformity. I choose to live like I know where I’m going, and why. My life is not my own and neither is my time. Thank you for your son, who shows us how to build a life around what matters most. Help me finish well.
🎵 “No Matter What” - Ryan Stevenson
🛠 Practical Tool
Here’s a hint: what you regret the most reveals what you value the most. Whether it’s something you did or didn’t do, healthy regret is a process that points us back to wholeness.
This 5-minute Twitter thread on “Deathbed Regrets” is a book’s worth of wisdom from serial investor Sahil Bloom. Read about his regrets here. Then answer these questions for yourself:
What are the things you know you'd regret on your deathbed?
If you continue on your current path, will you have those regrets?
If so, what changes need to be made to avoid them?
How can you design your life to avoid those regrets?
The Parker 5 freezing at the MLK Memorial in Washington, D.C.
While I don’t regret spending Spring Break with my kids, I do regret freezing my face off in the D.C. winter. But the time spent with dear friends and family was well worth the frostbite. 🥶
I’m humbled by each and every subscriber. Thanks for the feedback and support. Keep sharing and I’ll keep writing with no regrets!
If you’re new to UNFOLLOW University you can learn more about me here or check out my previous posts.
See you next UNFOLLOW Friday!
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Every Friday I’ll send you 5 courageous ideas to help you redesign your work life by making better career decisions:
🤯 Radical Truth - A story from me
⚡️ Courageous Question - A challenge for you
🗣 Wonderful Words - A quote worth remembering
🙏🏽 Prayer Package - A moment of meditation
🛠 Practical Tool - An actionable resource
