How expensive is your paycheck? 💰
↩️UNFOLLOW University — July 14, 2023
Happy Friday!
Buddy’s death was not a surprise but it hurt all the same.
His funeral in 2019 was quickly becoming a family reunion. I sat in the church sanctuary, walls embellished with gold-lettered bible verses, resting on a shiny wooden pew facing an embroidered cross.
Glued to my knee was my then 4-year-old daughter, Chloe. Wrapped in the blue thickness of her knit dress, she leaned her shiny curls against my shoulder. She was my funeral +1.
Buddy’s daughter, Sheraine, my friend and high school classmate, paused her own pain long enough to rise out of her seat. Donning a deep purple dress and crowned in tight-twisted hair, she approached the podium next to Buddy’s body.
The room followed quietly as Sheraine stopped in front of the gleaming mahogany casket draped in a garden of ivory flowers.
“Daddy worked hard every day,” she proclaimed. The “amens” of affirmation testified to the same.
“But daddy always came home.”
Sheraine spoke of a pioneering man who worked just as hard as he loved. A humble man, altogether insecure about his lack of education, but certain he wanted more for his family. A strict man who enforced curfews and never had to repeat himself. A God-fearing man who loved Jesus with his whole being. A generous man who served his people double portions of fish and faith as if they all shared his last name.
Buddy was a good man.
Tiny drops rimmed my eyes as I witnessed how a temporary life becomes a permanent legacy. I quickly constructed sandbag walls in my mind to prevent this tsunami of guilt and grief from flooding my face. After all, I negotiated with myself, I was there to support Sheraine at her father’s funeral, not mine.
As Sheraine shared fond stories that only a father’s daughter could tell, I began to pray my own daughter would be able to say the same about me one day. It was like looking 40 years ahead into a future I’d be proud to have.
But there was one problem. I was heading full speed in the other direction.
Sheraine was assured of her father’s love, not simply because he provided for her, but because he was present with her.
She knew exactly who Buddy was by what he did, who he helped and where he spent his time.
Buddy came home. I didn’t
Buddy kept his promises. I didn’t.
Buddy didn’t go to college. I did.
Buddy didn’t have a million dollars. I did.
Buddy was wealthy. I was rich.
🤯 Radical Truth
Relationships are the currency of real wealth.
I used to think "wealth” was a fancy word for filthy rich. I envisioned the type of families who amassed enough money to live century to century the way many of us live check to check.
But now I know wealth is less about financial security and more about wholeness.
The word wealth originally meant an abundance of “well-being and health.” It was used to describe people with good welfare who were cared for and well-loved.
Buddy made sure Sheraine and her family had true wealth. They were joyful, protected and provided for. Their good welfare made them wealthy.
Being rich and being wealthy are not the same. The word “rich” has the same roots as words like ruler and reign. It is a measure of might and control. Rich people have power, strength or authority, often via economic abundance.
Can rich people also be wealthy? Yes, wholeness and abundance can obviously coexist. But I think the pursuit of a rich life can become a barrier to living a wealthy one. Or, as in my case, it can leave you financially rich yet relationally poor.
“Workism” is the belief that work is the centerpiece of your identity and purpose. As the number of Americans who identify as Christian declines rapidly - dropping almost 30 percentage points in 30 years - a new type of religion has emerged. In place of traditional religious affiliation, our careers are filling the roles religion once played in our lives.
But as your paycheck and purpose become a scoreboard for your life’s value, every direct deposit has a corresponding withdrawal. We begin to expect things like community, meaning and fulfillment from our companies - intangibles they can never provide. High income comes at a cost that’s hard to assess when you’re on your way up the mountain.
It’s not all or nothing. The #1 predictor of true wealth is relationships. Building a financially successful life doesn’t have to come at the expense of your family. We can use our jobs and resources to produce and protect real wealth.
You don’t have to be rich to leave something behind that lasts. Be like Buddy.
⚡️Courageous Question
Ask your spouse, partner or family member this question:
What’s one thing I could change in my weekly schedule so you know you’re my priority?
🗣 Wonderful Words
“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”
– Henry David Thoreau
🙏🏽 Prayer Package
God, there is no such thing as an unmet need. You are the source of every good and perfect gift. I know you designed my work life not to compete with you, but to be a mirror for your mercy, kindness, patience and purpose. My calling is more than a job or a career. I am first called to you. Called to resemble my new identity while joyfully working for a reward that won’t fit into a 401(k). Give me clarity of vision to trust your plan especially when I can’t see the path. I know you will provide in ways I can’t yet imagine. I am your treasure and you are enough for me. Amen.
🎵 Jesus My Treasure - Canyon Hills Worship 💎
🛠 Practical Tool
Are you ready for a wealth check-up? This post from Sahil Bloom on the difference between the “List Price” and the “Real Price” of the life you want is pure gold. Could you take 3 minutes to read it now?
No amount of good intentions or meditation can undo a lack of financial literacy. The flip side to living wealthy is acting wisely.
This episode of the UNFOLLOW podcast is a confession about the bad habits that kept me broke, the stupidity of living rich, and my 10-year trek to financial fitness. I confront my own economic ignorance and walk listeners through the money mindsets I had to unlearn in order to grow.
Debt is not normal. Money is not evil. Hustle is not a shortcut to a better life, a budget is. We discuss debt, generosity, investments, and why the most important economic decision you can make is your spouse. 😬
This weekend I’ll be delivering the Sunday message at The Well Church Keller and I believe this is a topic worth sharing. Tune in Sunday at 10a for our live service.
If you’re new to UNFOLLOW University you can learn more about me here or check out my previous posts.
See you next UNFOLLOW Friday!
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Every Friday I’ll send you 5 courageous ideas to help you redesign your work life by making better career decisions:
🤯 Radical Truth - A story from me
⚡️ Courageous Question - A challenge for you
🗣 Wonderful Words - A quote worth remembering
🙏🏽 Prayer Package - A moment of meditation
🛠 Practical Tool - An actionable resource
